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fear of death.

i worry about facing my manager.

I am concerned about my current mental stability.

I am scared about my future.

I am terrified of the future.

So much has happened, like it always does in a very short space of time. 

I was considering attempting to take my life while in Sydney to give my friends than chance to attend any possible ceremonies. But now that things have changed, the idea of attempting to take my life in Sydney is less than desirable. Of coarse given enough ammunition, on impulse, at a moments notice I could attempt to take my life.

Maybe I do not value my life but when surrounded by billions of other lives so even more meaningless and pitiful than my own why should anyone be concerned about my own well being? Because I am a cis gendered white middle class girl. 

My worst fear is being in hospital, being treated how I was before. treat anyone like that and the least they will do is want to die. 

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